The Path to True Mental Wellbeing: Embracing Inner Reflection
Originally posted on Medium, re-shared here with the permission of the author.
By searching the darkest corners of our minds, we can find the peace we’re looking for, according to Carl Jung.
As humans, it can be difficult — even impossible — to be completely honest with ourselves. Try as we might, sometimes it’s either too uncomfortable, or we just don’t quite have the perspective to step outside of ourselves and make an objective judgement. It’s not a failure, far from it, but a trait we all share and it’s part of what makes us human.
“Unfortunately there is no doubt about the fact that man is, as a whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one has always a chance to correct it.” — Carl Jung
Carl had a point. We’re all human, with human shortcomings — that’s not the issue. The issue is how we choose to deal with those perceived shortcomings. Do we meet them head-on, face our imperfections and grow through them? Or do we choose to hide them under the proverbial bed, never to be spoken of?
Our shadows, as referred to by Jung, are our darkest thoughts, our most deeply embedded fears. The thoughts and feelings we rarely, if ever, choose to share with others. The things we don’t even feel comfortable allowing our minds to dwell on for too long — and we all have them.
The fact of the matter is, whether or not we choose to acknowledge our shadows, they remain present within us. The lack of acknowledgement actually gives them power — it sets the scene for a lifetime of running from our true selves. If only it were as simple as ‘just facing ourselves’. Unfortunately for us, human emotion is a little more complex than that.
Even more unfortunately, while over the short term avoidance may be the path of least resistance, long term the mental effort required to keep those parts of us repressed is entirely unsustainable — Jung says our shadows will always find their way to the surface (kind of like whack-a-mole: push it down one place, it pops up in another).
Our natural instinct is to distract ourselves from what we aren’t ready to address. For some, that means becoming immersed in work, or finding something to obsess over: be that a hobby, a partner or anything else that takes their fancy. But again, this only kicks the can down the road, and when there are breaks in the distraction, the shadow rears its head.
In his seminal work Meditations, Marcus Aurelius suggests that rather than looking externally for peace, we should strive to clean house, creating a safe space within ourselves. Doing the inner work of self-acceptance is undoubtedly more difficult than avoidance at first, but far more rewarding and positive for our wellbeing in the long run.
The question we should be asking ourselves is becoming increasingly clear: how do we find the courage to look within and accept what we’ve fought so hard to avoid? It starts by making the decision to look, truly look, in the mirror. Without judgement, and with real objectivity.
Sometimes the choice is taken away by the circumstances of life, and we’re forced to address things before we’re ‘ready’. I’d argue there’s no such thing as being entirely ready, but what we can do is access or develop the tools necessary to work through those tough moments. The only way is through, and the reward on the other side is self-love and acceptance. Only once we accept ourselves non-judgmentally are we able to grow in peace.
How to Look Inwards
It’s all well and good being told to ‘look inwards’ (you’d be forgiven for an eye roll at this point) but how do we actually do that in practical terms? Below I’ve outlined some tried and tested practices that I’ve personally benefitted from over the past three years.
Therapy
There really is nothing like therapy. When I first got in touch with a therapist, in retrospect, I can say that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It was tough. Really tough, having someone poke and prod at the soft underbelly of my mind, the parts I’ve spent years building walls to protect. It takes a skilled therapist to create a space safe enough for you to feel able to identify those parts and work through them openly. That said, sticking with the process, and trusting the process allowed for a transformation of my internal dialogue that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. 10/10 would recommend it.
Journalling
A simple, yet incredibly effective self-reflection tool which I’ve written about before, journalling not only forces us to organise our thoughts into words but also provides a snapshot of our mental state that we can come back to and review at a later date.
Yoga
In Bessel Van Der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain & Body in the Transformation of Trauma, an entire chapter is dedicated to yoga — and with good reason. The author speaks of yoga facilitating the practice of us re-inhabiting our bodies, both mentally and physically. Creating awareness within the body through intentionality of movement, quiet reflection and meditation is a unique combination, difficult to replicate in many other settings.
While the process of facing and working with our innermost shadows can be daunting and friction-heavy, it is undoubtedly a process worthy of the effort it requires. Start by looking inward.
