A Practical Guide to Starting in Therapy
Originally posted on Medium, re-shared here with the permission of the author.
Many will be quick to tell you to see a therapist, but very few will explain how to see a therapist.
Why therapy?
You have blind spots — emotionally, psychologically — we all do. The goal of therapy as a process is to hold up a mirror at the perfect angle to help you see and address those blindspots.
Understanding your reasons for attending therapy is essential to the success of the process. We all have our own reasons, but your why is specific to you and requires self-awareness & earnest reflection to uncover.
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” — Maya Angelou. This perfectly encapsulates what this guide sets out to achieve.
Accepting that you could benefit from outside help, and taking the initiative to learn more about therapy is a massive step.
Even so, the realities of the process can be both intimidating and overwhelming. For most, the idea of seeking therapy never develops beyond the point of being a fleeting thought.
This guide is designed using both personal & professional experience to help remove some of the friction from starting therapy and to support you on your mental health journey.
What exactly is therapy?
The terms therapy & counselling are often used interchangeably. When mentioned as you might have heard them in popular culture, more often then not this refers to traditional talking therapies. There are a range of other types including art therapies, dance therapies and more.
Talking therapies are a psychological treatment method formulated to alleviate symptoms and address root causes of common mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, burnout but also relationship, identity and other issues.
It’s not the same as talking to a friend. Friends and family play an undoubtedly important role in the mental health support toolbox, but even the best of friends or listeners can’t compare to the trained ear and measured advice of a therapist.
Some of the things a therapist provides that’s friends & family, for the most part, can’t provide: professional understanding, objectivity, specific availability, structured and targeted discussion.
When should you start, or stop therapy?
When to start: Therapy should be treated as an MOT rather than roadside breakdown assistance. While scheduling sessions in the midst of crisis may be necessary at times, it's not where you will do the most meaningful work on yourself - it's damage control.
When to stop: There is no correct answer here, it’s up to you. This is where self- awareness, personal reflection and intentionality become important.
Have a think about the following points:
Why do I want to stop?
Can I trace the desire back to a specific event?
Am I being avoidant?
Have I extracted all I need from this process?
Do I want to stop or just take a break?
Taking a Break: Just like taking a break from exercise or a diet, it can be difficult to get back into the swing of therapy once things seem to be on the up and life gets busy again. Putting backstops in place can be helpful in holding yourself accountable, ensuring you stay in rhythm and you continue to prioritise your mental health.
For example: Informing your therapist you’ll be taking a break, scheduling a session in 1–2 months and making payment in advance.
Setting a calendar reminder to book a session.
Asking a friend to remind you on a certain date.
Finding a Therapist
This can easily become an overwhelming step. Thankfully, there are a number of easily searchable online therapist databases:
Counselling Directory
Betterhelp
BACP
British Psychotherapy Foundation
Talk Space
BAME-specific Directories:
Culture Minds Therapy
Black & Asian Therapist Network
Who is your therapist?
Similar to how an employer interviews prospective employees to ensure they're the right for the job, it makes sense for you to interview therapists before settling on one.
Many therapists have differing qualifications, have varying areas of expertise and work within specific niches. When interviewing, it's helpful to have at least a rough idea of what you're looking for - after all, you can't find what you don't know you want. The more specific you are in communication, the better chance you have of finding a therapist that aligns with your needs.
Some things to consider:
Is your therapist’s age important to you?
How about their gender?
Their cultural background?
Geographical location?
Religious background?
Do they offer online and in-person services?
Do they require a minimum number of sessions booked?
Be sure to ask your therapist about their professional qualifications, training & membership body. You can double check this through the membership body’s website.
Where to hold sessions: Online vs. In-Person
Living in the post-Covid lockdown world, online therapy is evidently the more convenient & flexible option of the two. Being at home can allow for greater feelings of safety and comfort, but may also feel more informal and easier to get distracted.
Attending a physical space provides seperation of environments (home vs. therapist’s office) and it also it also allows for your therapist to read your body language (non-verbal communication can be extremely valuable) - potentially leading to better progress. Ultimately, this will be a decision based on personal preference.
Some final thoughts
At it’s core, the process of doing inner work is a solo endeavour, but it can be helpful and freeing to talk with friends or family about your discussions in therapy when you’re ready.
Therapy is active, not passive.
If you feel things aren’t going the way you’d like them to, speak to your therapist about it — most will be happy to alter their approach.
Begin with the end in mind.
What is your goal here? What would a successful experience in therapy look like to you? It’s helpful to define this as early as possible.
Only you can decide if you’re mentally and emotionally ready to start in therapy, or if therapy is the way to go for you at all. Trust the Process.
